Are you the kind of guy who always finds excuses for his
shortcomings? If so, it's time to find out why and start doing something about
it.
The habit of constantly making excuses for oneself can have multiple impacts,
ranging from laughingly being referred to as undependable to being considered
overly defensive and paranoid. You may be strong, forthright and well-respected
in all other aspects of your professional, personal and family life, but if
you're always covering up your shortcomings with excuses, some kind of negative
reputation is bound to develop.
The solution lies entirely within your own control. It's time to break the
habit of making excuses.
Recognize your
excuses
You know your excuses have become a problem if someone
confronts you about it, even in a joking manner. Worse still, people may not
seem to respect or trust you. Maybe you're known as someone who breaks promises
places blame on others, or doesn't accept responsibility for actions or errors.
You might be the guy who always procrastinates, takes on too much or can't say
"no" and then can't get everything done.
In any case, your reputation is that of someone who can't be counted on. Your
friends and colleagues view you as the last person they can ask for a favour and
no one wants to be that guy.
When you make excuses all the time, you're perceived as a man who is overly
defensive and not dependable. It's time to make a change.
"The one common denominator in
every mess you find yourself in is you." - Bob Wall
Your goals
In order to restore your reputation as a reliable guy,
you're going to need to shed some of the hallmarks of the chronic excuse-maker.
It's time to:
·
Regain respect and stop allowing people to take
advantage of you.
·
Change people's perception of you from weak to
assertive.
·
Increase your self-confidence and sense of
pride.
No more excuses!
Time to stop being the excuse guy. Here are 10 steps to
get you there.
1- Face the facts
As with most bad habits, the first step to dealing with
excuse-making is to acknowledge that you have this problem. Don't procrastinate
and hope it will resolve itself. Your friends and family have stopped accepting
your explanations at face value -- so should you.
2- Get over
yourself
Because you have never acknowledged your own
responsibility in making excuses, maybe you have felt like people are out to
get you. Well, it's time to leave the conspiracy theories to Oliver Stone. Try
to stop being paranoid. There will always be people who disagree with you,
criticize you unjustly or disrespect you. Don't waste a lot of time and energy
creating explanations and excuses to prove them wrong. You'll just sound
suspicious, distrustful and immature.
3- Clarify
expectations
If you restrict yourself to tasks that you can actually accomplish,
you won't be tempted to later account for your failings. Be upfront when asked
to plan the office team-building activity. Ask what time commitment is required
before you take it on. Don't feel forced to accept if you know that you'll end
up laying the blame on others when you fall short.
4- Be honest
Making up excuses is as stressful as lying,
because you have to remember exactly what you have told various people. Be
honest and relieve yourself of the stress. Stop embellishing descriptions to
cast your own self in a better light. Your defensive attitude makes your
friends, family and co-workers uncomfortable.
5- Stop
complaining
Constant hypercriticism of others doesn't make you look
any better. Stop shirking responsibility and looking for the easy way out. If,
in fact, the gym is overcrowded, expensive and has lousy parking, find an
alternate one. Otherwise, admit you don't like working out, find another way to
get fit and quit whining. Remind yourself each day of the negative implications
of constantly finding excuses. Drive yourself to change.
6- Speak up, then
shut up
Learn to say you're sorry without launching into a
long-winded explanation. The reasons why your report was late don't matter. If
you forgot your wedding anniversary,
face the music and apologize without hiding behind fictitious reasons.
Challenge yourself to eliminate extraneous excuses -- starting right now.
"Man must cease attributing his
problems to his environment, and learn to exercise his will -- his personal
responsibility in the realm of faith and morals." - Albert Schweitzer
7- Accept
criticism
Take ownership of your shortcomings and mistakes, but
don't let habitual faultfinders undermine your confidence. You may be
reinventing your attitude, but not everyone else is -- don't let others force
you to revert to your old defensive ways. When you receive criticism, ask for
specifics. In your annual performance review, discuss ways to improve for the
future rather than trying to rewrite the past.
8- Develop a buddy
system
Make a pact with a friend or colleague who has the same
problem. Agree to point it out if you see him regressing to his old ways, and
have him commit to doing the same.
9- Write yourself
a contract
Jot down all your short- and long-term goals, along with
set deadlines for reaching them. Date and sign the agreement, and have a
witness (perhaps a good friend) sign it too. Seeing your goals in writing might
have more of an impact on you, especially if you have a "buddy"
checking up on you regularly.
10- Ask for
collaboration
Invest your energy into finding solutions instead of
creating justifications. If you're always late for your car pool, ask a fellow
commuter for a wake-up call each morning. When your friends complain that
you're always late for parties, laugh and ask them to invite you a half-hour
earlier. If you need to, you can even seek help from a professional motivator
or attend a seminar.
There's no excuse
Your health and well-being are your own responsibility.
You have choices in life, and you're entitled to choose to find excuses for
yourself, to blame other people and to sound paranoid. But you'll be happier
and healthier if you opt for honesty, integrity and confidence.
How you react to external events is one of the things that will form people's
impressions. It's never too late to improve your image. Show your willingness
to change by eliminating this bad habit and becoming more dependable. Start
creating solutions instead of excuses. It takes time and effort to change a
habit, but it will be worth it.
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