Rules of Men That Women Need to Know

We keep getting all these, “rules from the woman’s side” emails, so we figured it was time for a “rules from the man’s side” email. These are our rules! Learn them, memorize them and use them!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us whining about you leaving it down.

2. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

3. Saturday means sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Just let it be.

4. Crying is blackmail.

5. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

6. We don’t remember days. Mark them on a calendar and remind us frequently.

7. Don’t cut your hair, EVER. Long hair is always more attractive than shorter hair. One of the big reasons that guys fear getting married is because married women always cut their hair, and by then, you’re stuck with her.

8. Yes and No, are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

9. Come to us with a problem only if you want us to help you solve it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

10. Check your oil! Please.

11. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

12. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

13. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We refuse to answer that question anymore.

14. If something we said can be interpreted in two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

15. Let us look. It doesn’t hurt anyone, to look. And for us, it’s genetic.

16. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

17. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

18. ALL men see in only 16 colours. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea what mauve is.

19. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not a proof of how little we care about you.

20. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing” we will believe you.

21. If you asks us a question that you don’t want the answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

22. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.

23. You have enough clothes.

24. You have too many shoes.

25. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take any quiz together. No, it doesn’t matter which quiz.

26. BEER is as exciting to us as handbags are to you.

27. Our relationship will never be like it was the first 2 months we dated. Get over it and stop whining to your friends.

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know that I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don’t mind that. For us, it’s like camping.